I’ve got a few bones to pick about this weight loss thing

Just a few bones to pick:Funny-Weight-loss-Cartoon-W630

I think that it’s unfair that boobs count in my weight number.

After all, I didn’t ask to be busty.  At 40 years old, I’m not loving the girls so much.  I spent the first half of my life trying to hide them in baggy clothes, the middle part of my life just trying to find a bra that fit them well because babies made them blow up even more, and the last half of my life wishing someone would make them stop hurting my back.  Genetics gifted these damn things to me and I don’t think they should count.  I can do nothing short of lopping the suckers off.  Unfair.  Just sayin’.

I think Weight Watchers should have scales in a back room.

You see, if the scales were in a back room, behind closed doors, we could get our weight naked.  It’s already hooked to the computer by a cord.  I say lengthen the damn thing and let’s get this weighing thing done right.  Not to bring up the whole boob thing again, but I get a double whammy for being busty.  My bra weighs more than my less top-heavy friends’ bras, and my girls can’t go out in public unmanned.  A back room, naked weigh-in would at least help.  Again, just sayin’.

Flavor infused water.  WTF?

I get not wanting to choke back plain, old water all the time.  I use Crystal Light Sugar Free flavoring in mine.  Cherry Pomegranate.  Zero ppv.  YUM.  However, one lady today was talking about using fruit to flavor your water.  I can see that.  Then another lady shared that she heard that someone uses vinaigrette dressing.  Um, I have to side with my buddy Ann Marie here.  That’s two steps too close to douche for me, and that stuff ain’t meant for drinking.

Stress should count as an activity for which we can earn points.

I can do stress like a boss, and I definitely think I should benefit in the weight loss department for it.  Now, I know that it shouldn’t count for stress eating, but there are times that stress doesn’t make me eat.  On those rare occasions I should get points, even if only for exercising the will to not cram chocolate in my mouth.

Having teenagers should result in a weight credit.

I’m ripping my hair out at least once a week.  Where’s the weight loss?  Hair weighs SOMETHING!  I think if you are the parent of a teenager you should get at least a half-pound a week credit.  Pulling my hair out like a mad woman should have some up side to it.

Those are just a few of the bones I need to pick.  I’m sure there’s more, but my teenager can’t seem to stop calling his brother names while they’re getting ready for bed.  I’m donning my black-and-white striped shirt and going to referee.

How about you?  What would you like to see a weight credit for?









About Miranda Gargasz

Miranda Gargasz is a freelance writer. Many of her essays can be found on sites like ScaryMommy, The Christian Science Monitor and The Huffington Post. In 2014, she published Lemonade and Holy Stuff and in 2016 she published Plus Size Mama: An overweight mom gets real about weight loss. She is also a contributor to Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee, and Lose the Cape: Never Will I Ever. Her debut novel, Haunting Suspicion, is being sent to agents for representation. She is currently working on her second novel, Dragonfly, about learning to love what you have before it's gone.
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7 Responses to I’ve got a few bones to pick about this weight loss thing

  1. Meredith says:

    Don’t worry, your boobs will get smaller. When I was 225 lbs. I was busting out of a 38DD… I probably should have been wearing a larger size. At 150ish I’m a 34D. As you get fitter your back pains will probably lessen (less weight to carry = less stress on body), I never had to deal with it… but I probably would have eventually if I didn’t lose weight. I would recommend doing strength training, especially for your core and back.

  2. I wamt credit for my girls too. I figure that’s at least 10lbs. I also wish insomnia burned calories.

  3. Listen, I’m with you in the boob department! Mine are out of control. I fear, they may be a good third of my body weight. Okay, maybe I exaggerate, but only a little! Can’t believe you can’t be weighed in private. That sucks!

    Hope you have an awesome weekend, Sista.

    I totally cracked up about your FB post–Jimmy and the cookie baking—–and bathroom cleaning! LOL

    Hugs from Ecuador,

  4. If credit was given for living through the teenage years then I’d be about 105 lbs. I’d be bald, but I’d be thin! My oldest daughter put me through the wringer from 11-17!

    I want boob credit, too! Even before I gained weight, I was top heavy and I feel like what gravity has done to them adds even more weight! My bra is like a cage for these pendulous puppies–and that cage is heavy too! 🙂 Have a good weekend!

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