Happy to be a loser!

I am five weeks in on my 1000-1200 calorie a day diet and my use of Qsymia for weight loss as prescribed by my endocrinologist. Oh, and let’s not leave out the amazing app on my phone, My Fitness Pal. (GET THIS APP! It’s truly a life saver. You have no idea how many carbs you ingest from veggies until you use this thing!) For the first time in my life I am losing weight and feeling like the hard work I’m putting in is paying off. Five weeks, folks, and I’m down…as of weigh-in this morning…33 lbs.  That’s insane and wonderful and mind-blowing all at once.

I have a lot of weight to lose–I’m not going to lie. That 33 pounds is like a drop in a bucket compared to the long haul, but I am OVER THE MOON happy at that number! That’s more than I lost after a year and a half on Weight Watchers and working out 8 to 10 hours a week.  It is crazy-motivating to step on that scale and see that lower number. I find myself desperate to step on the scale, not because I like the number I see, but because it is likely to be smaller than the last time I stood there. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. I am the only person walking out of the bathroom first thing in the morning making the Cheshire Cat look depressed.

But I want to be clear here. That number on the scale is just that. A number. It doesn’t tell me a damn thing about me except how much pull gravity has on my body. There’s more to pay attention to here. There’s more to take home from this journey than a stupid digital number on a machine.

Plus Size Mama Says- (2)

I made a list of things that matter:

  1. My bra is fitting loosely. The fact that the girls are shrinking means that I am also shrinking. If a smaller me means a smaller bra size, I’ve got only one thing to say:  Bye-bye, Boobies!
  2. I passed on cake. That’s right. You read it. I, Miranda, lifelong lover of that sugary confection called cake, had NONE. I’m awaiting my call from Guinness any day, such is the importance of that little nugget.
  3. My shoes are fitting loosely. I am not a vain woman until we start talking about shoe size. I’ve always had small feet. Until I had kids and gained weight. Then my feet turned into something resembling flippers. Well, I’m here to tell you that my sandals literally fall off my feet if I’m not careful because they are too big now. Hello, smaller shoe size!
  4. Cravings, I have them, but they’ve changed. I used to lay on the couch in the wee hours when I couldn’t sleep and think of nothing but chocolate and cake and doughnuts and all things sugary and heavenly. I could not stop myself from thinking about SALAD the other day. What the hell is that about? I don’t know and I don’t care. Bring on the rabbit food!
  5. I have come to recognize the importance of sleep in my life. I have been, for decades now, an insomniac. I was never really bothered by it. It gave me so many more productive hours in a day. Sure I looked and felt like shit, but, hey I was freaking Wonder Woman when it came to a to-do list. Now, if I don’t sleep, the scale doesn’t move. Not an ounce. Nothing motivates me to take my sleepy time meds like a scale that won’t budge. I feel better. The black circles under my eyes are gone. My mood is improving and my thought process isn’t so muddled. All because I sleep. Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy.

All of those things, alone or added together, mean so much more to me than the number on that scale. They mean I am moving in the right direction, directly toward a healthier version of me. And isn’t that the point of this entire journey?

I urge you to make your own list. What’s on it? What is your focus? What matters more than that scale? Share your triumphs and goals in the comments. Let us know what means more to you than gravity!


About Miranda Gargasz

Miranda Gargasz is a freelance writer. Many of her essays can be found on sites like ScaryMommy, The Christian Science Monitor and The Huffington Post. In 2014, she published Lemonade and Holy Stuff and in 2016 she published Plus Size Mama: An overweight mom gets real about weight loss. She is also a contributor to Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee, and Lose the Cape: Never Will I Ever. Her debut novel, Haunting Suspicion, is being sent to agents for representation. She is currently working on her second novel, Dragonfly, about learning to love what you have before it's gone.
This entry was posted in Losing, PCOS and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Happy to be a loser!

  1. You GO girl!!! I am so proud of you!

  2. isuzyou says:

    Okay, is your name really Miranda?!! If so, have you seen the SATC episode of Miranda and the cake?!? If not…you need NEED to see it!!

    • I must confess, I’ve never seen SATC. Someone told me there was a character on there named Miranda once. Honestly, I get a little excited meeting or hearing of other Miranda’s because it didn’t used to be a popular name. Anyway, I worked too much then to watch it. I probably should watch it now, huh?
      Thanks for reading!

  3. PCOSux says:

    Love this.. This post had me laughing.. Great sense of humour and well done!

    MyFitnessPal is a godsend, hey?! 😊 x

    • Yes, My Fitness Pal is! It totally breaks down every gram of carbohydrates in everything you eat including veggies. I have my intake set at 90 grams per day which is considered moderate. For those of us with PCOS we should take in as little as possible. On days when I eat only veggies my numbers are around 60-75 grams–and that’s just from VEGGIES!!! Imagine what it rockets to when we consume bread? So glad you read and like my blog. Hope you keep coming back!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s